You know I'm leery of rhyming stuff--don't even like most of my earlier efforts because the rhymes were too predictable--but nothing here feels forced, and the concept and the sentiment are well expressed. Love the final strophe. I might substitute "with" for "using" in line 9, but that's getting pretty picayune. Good beginning, nice cadence, and a great sustaining metaphor.

Retired psychologist, wordsmith, teacher, MFA candidate. Buy me coffee: ko-fi.com/edrobson. ecrobson@gmail.com

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