Well-written and thought-provoking. I like your style.

Your article, to me, highlights the problems, not of polyamory, but of dating.

I am with you 100% regarding sex-positivity, and my vision of a healthy future for humanity is one in which we all will be far more generous with physical affection, free of jealousy, and sensitive to the fact that all of us need touch.

But choosing sexual partners, I think, will always call for care. We don't invite just anyone into our most personal of physical or emotional spaces. We need to know if we can trust each other.

Dating, as I think of it, is about getting together to discover whether there's sufficient sexual chemistry in a relationship to take it to another level. And it's a lot of fun, no question, especially when you're already pretty sure that chemistry exists.

The problem is, it shortchanges--or bypasses entirely--the vital step of determining if trust is justified. When the chemistry is strong, it makes us reckless. That's why so many flings start off so good before they turn so bad.

My solution is to look for friends. Lots of friends, diverse of age, appearance, gender. Get to know your new friends' friends, which is the best clue to who they are beneath their charming surfaces.

By the time you have established any solid friendship, you will surely know if both of you are feeling an attraction worth exploring, and you'll be pretty sure pursuing it is safe.

Sorry to go on at such length. You might guess (correctly) that I'm pondering an article on this topic.

Meanwhile, I wish you and Flo (and Christoph, if you do decide he's worthy of your time and trust) many happy adventures.

Write on, my friend!

Retired psychologist, wordsmith, teacher, MFA candidate. Buy me coffee: ko-fi.com/edrobson. ecrobson@gmail.com

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