We are agreed on all of this, of course. Partnership must needs grow out of friendship, with mature self-knowledge and other-knowledge. And romance grows out of love, not vice versa.

But I think the chance of any of that happening is short-circuited by the modern approach to dating, which begins with sizing one another up as possible sexual partners, while simultaneously turning on the charm (impression management) to make sure they stay interested in what you have to offer. In other words, building on deception.

Don't be afraid of living backwards, like Benjamin Buttons. Shoot first for old-friend-ship, then discover newness that inspires romance and catches fire. The quality of the friendship will tell you if he's capable of partnership.