Edward Robson, PhD, MFA
1 min readJun 29, 2021

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Several strong images and well-crafted phrases here. I love the opening, the reference to uncounted fractures and aging skin. The specificity of a kiss on the eyebrow, muffled voice, wrinkles flooded with sweat. The vocabulary: senescent, crinkles, perfusing. The conclusion, which I'm reading as meaning "Everything that happened before we met was our becoming process," though it could be read in other ways.

I am confused by the line, "I'd like that way", unsure of what it means. Also, did you mean the opening to be a question?

The short lines work well. That's your style, I know. I would suggest you be consistent about whether or not to punctuate; you do at first, but then you stop. Personally, I would favor punctuating throughout, to make it easier to read. But that's just me; other poets will say the opposite, because they enjoy leaving things as ambiguous as possible.

Anyway, it's a sweet and touching poem with a ton of feeling packed into a very few words.

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Edward Robson, PhD, MFA
Edward Robson, PhD, MFA

Written by Edward Robson, PhD, MFA

Former psychologist, wordsmith, teacher, learner. Top writer in feminism, relationships, poetry, and other topics. ECRobson@gmail.com

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