Robert Heinlein, a classic SF writer, wrote many strong, egalitarian, sex-positive protagonists both male and female. Rather remarkable for his time, a futurist (and I would say a feminist) before futurism all got coopted by dystopianism.

I mention him because your excellent essay reminds me of something one of his characters says, near as I can remember the exact words, "A true lady drops her dignity beside her clothes and does her whorish best."