Reading this, of course I feel intensely sad for you, but at the same time hopeful, for it seems you have learned how to receive, maybe even how to ask for what you want.
Yet what shocks me more profoundly is the image of those men, so stunted as to be incapable of giving or indifferent to the pleasure of a lover.
Even as self-absorbed as I was in my younger and (more) foolish years, I reveled in the power of giving, the joy of making someone happy. To rock my woman's world made me feel godlike, an experience more profoundly moving than my own orgasms. I can't imagine living without knowing that.
Sending warmest healing thoughts your way.