Oh, I hear you, definitely. It's just that there are so many things I hate about what marriage does to women, from the way it hijacks the dreams of little girls, to economic disempowerment, legal disenfranchisement, socially sanctioned abuse in the home, legal abuse in divorce courts, religious mindfucking, dowry murders in some places, denial of vocational options in others, educational deprivation, sexual restriction, social isolation . . .

That's why I've started thinking of the institution as the "ring of doom" for women. Where the identity erasure (represented by the name thing) ranks on the list, I can't say.

Like you, I believe in honoring people's choices, but it truly is perplexing to see women who you know as independent and ambitious suddenly declare that all they want is to be Mrs. husbandsname.