It’s Time to Take the Incels Seriously

Their complaint is too important to ignore

Image by HeungSoon from Pixabay

First, let’s get this one thing straight: no one owes anybody sex. Even married people (in most countries) have the right to say no to their partners when not in the mood. And to anyone who missed the memo: “blue balls” aren’t a thing. No one dies of sexual neglect.

What you owe someone who’s bought you drinks and dinner, you’ve already paid them with the pleasure of your company. Actually, I’ll take that back. A proper transaction would be company for company or treat for treat. “Next time I’ll pick up the check.” That’s how it works in my social circles.

So what you trade for sex, is sex, if that exchange appeals to both of you. It’s just that simple. Why should it be otherwise? Women want it just as much as men do.

Except, of course, it’s never been that simple in the past. Between religious rules requiring marriage, and patriarchal traditions that view women as men’s property, sexual exchanges have always been fraught. It’s only in the last century that women’s wishes have been a consideration in their sex lives.

Aye, there’s the rub. (Or lack thereof.) With women claiming their right to decide when and with whom to share a bed, the game has changed, creating a whole new cast of losers.

It used to be that nearly every man could find a bedmate if he wanted one. The wedding ring was his trump card, just as her virginity was every woman’s. Each had what the other wanted, and since the ratio of single men to single women stayed at roughly one to one, the system was a stable one.

But today’s young woman has wised up to what a raw deal that ring represents, and she may not choose to settle anymore. Why should she? She has options. She can have sex, a career, and babies if she wants them, all without tying herself down to a mediocre male.

So what’s a mediocre male to do?

In recent years, a group of mostly young (and mostly White and Asian) men has appeared around the ugly fringes of the internet. They call themselves “incels” — involuntary celibates — and they’re aggrieved at modern culture for depriving them of their God-given right to sexual and romantic partners.