I think you have misread my essay and made some unfair assumptions about what I am trying to say.
I completely agree with you, the patriarchy is the problem, and women and men alike are damaged by the gender role constructs we are programmed to expect of ourselves and one another. Rape culture represents lost integrity in men who have been taught not to value their own integrity.
And the thing at the beginning refers to who I was 50 years ago.
Finally, I don't think it's demonizing women to say that sometimes men's boundaries get violated also. Yes, it's a hundred times more common in the other direction, but consent as a principle should be respected by everyone, no exceptions.