I share your frustration, Yael.
I have mixed feelings about porn in general--I want to be open-minded, and I want to support sex workers, but I don't want to support the exploitation that industry represents. So it's been kind of an emotional whiplash, going from the guilty pleasure to whatever I'm supposed to feel about it now.
Like you, I keep hoping to see people actually making love, giving and receiving pleasure in the ways I know are actually pleasurable, acting like they really care about each other. So much of what's available seems to intentionally feature exploitation and depersonalization, and most of it is not just bad acting but bad sex.