I salute you for writing and sharing something which will seem strange to many people (young ones especially) who have no experience with performance anxiety or with anything not working in their body. Your story educated me regarding things I hadn't thought about.
I think we need to redefine sex. It is so much more than penises, vaginas, and orgasms. It is touch and closeness, pleasure given and received, excitement and desire and affirmation. It is nakedness together, which may or may not mean removing clothing. Sex is the relationship, not just the part that happens in the bedroom.
I say, for you and everyone who suffers from anxiety that interferes with pleasure or arousal, not to worry over what's "supposed to" happen, but only to enjoy whatever love prompts you to do together.