Fascinating perspective. I often wonder at the women who support our misogynist in chief. And he has gay and black disciples, too. Go figure.
I think you're onto something important here, something that relates back to your article about sex scenes in movies and books. Who a person is in bed must be connected to who they are in general. It should figure into how we tell their stories.
Attributes such as self-confidence, humility, imagination, empathy, patience, generosity. Not that it would be a simple correlation, because consistency in human personality is elusive. But you perceived (at least in retrospect) several important signs, both in your ex's sexual style and in his attitudes regarding sex roles in the relationship.