Congratulations, Kate. A brave confession, an inspiring story of recovery.
Grown-up love (or even grown-up friendship) can only exist when 2 adults are present. 1.5 or 1.9 is not enough. You both must be complete within yourselves before you can create an adult relationship.
I don't want a partner who needs me. I want a partner who is thriving on her own but chooses to be with me because she likes me and wants me.