A very thought-provoking essay. I'd never considered the concept in this way before.
We do need to use our language carefully, and to make every effort to keep the lines of discourse open.
Toxic masculinity, however it's defined, refers to a problematical and dangerous set of attitudes. The issue needs to be kept in plain sight for study and debate. Hopefully that will lead to greater nuance in our terminology.
The same is true, of course, regarding other terms that people argue over, like racism. Perhaps the dialogue over these constructs is more important than our ability to agree on what they mean.