A sexual partnership (ideally) is a 24-hour connection. You are lovers even when you aren't actively engaged in sex. What happens out of bed cannot be disconnected from what happens in bed: the bond that mutual pleasuring builds, the trust that lets you relax and take chances, the confidence in yourself that comes of knowing you can please, excite, and satisfy the one you love.

Your case sounds more extreme than most--a man who leaves you torn and doesn't realize he must be doing something wrong--but I suspect there are an awful lot of women who have yet to figure out that sex can and should be fun.